twisted utopia, the mind of de souza

2005-11-10T18:26:00.000+08:00

it's about time i publicise the fact that i've got finger fetish.. it's not that i like involving fingers in any kinda sexual acts. it's just that i like looking at immaculate finger nails and very nice fingers. i planned to find people with nice fingers and actuallie do some photography-modelling project. and my guest is that flautist (flute players) have very nice fingers. i reallie don't know how to describe nice fingers. slender? even and uniformed. nice rounded finger nails that's not too long. very evenly shaped and filed.. hmmm well, there's some pics of fingers here.. those are my fingers. taken by me using my camera phone.. so yeah.. enjoy..

2005-11-08T15:40:00.000+08:00

having a glass of lemon martini. not smoking. just had curry chicken. wearing fbt shorts, no top, a silver bracelet on my left and a very straight face. having a box of tissue and a pile of used tissue close by. listening to "Metallica - Call of the Ktulu".

i don't know how true it is.. but lately, i feel very moody.. very demanding.. hmmm.. (is it true ridzt?) i've been very attention-seeking.. maybe it's cuz i'm gonna sail soon.. no one's gonna give me attention after i'm gone. i don't know la.. somehow or rather i'm just disappointed that those who i wanna dote on doesn't wanna give me the time/opportunity to do it.. all this while, i reallie don't know where to channel my emotions.

things are becoming harder not getting ANY financial support from my parents no more. and with me not going back often, it aggravates the situation. well, screw them all la..

once i've set sail, my meals are square, my clothes are settled (boiler suit and uniform~!), i needn't pay for alcohol, cigarette's free, no where to go clubbing, no cold storage for me to do household spending. on the whole, i'll be earning my USD800 without having to spend a single cent. unless of course i've been given shore leave. perhaps i'd like to spend some cash on souveniers. but then again, there is still the cadets fund set aside by the company just in case cadets wanna spend.. hahaha~!

i think i wanna give my magic a lil break.. i've been doing too much things which has nothing to do with me.. kinda "tired".. time to step on the brake.. too much plague, too much to pay for, too much blood spilled.. i wanna take some time off to concentrate on my professional life..
i've got a dream.. a dream of earning 300k by 20.. get my own property by then and get my brother to live with me.. no way is he gonna continue living with those parents of mine.. i just feel that he ought to be given something better..

2005-10-31T03:06:00.000+08:00

General Custer
You scored 57 Wisdom, 43 Tactics, 65 Guts, and 66 Ruthlessness!

You're reckless... a little like Custer. Make sure you know what you're up against before you charge into battle. But, that being said, Custer was one of the more successful generals of his day. He was a graduate of West Point and one of the more senior officers in the Union army. Custer had a distinguished career until his untimely demise at Little Bighorn.

In the comprehensive campaign against the Sioux planned in 1876, Custer's regiment was detailed to the column under the commanding general, Alfred H. Terry, that marched from Bismarck to the Yellowstone River. At the mouth of the Rosebud, Terry sent Custer forward to locate the enemy while he marched on to join the column under Gen. John Gibbon. Custer came upon the warrior encampment on the Little Bighorn on June 25 and decided to attack at once. He divided his regiment into three parts, sending two of them, under Major Marcus A. Reno and Capt. Frederick W. Benteen, to attack farther upstream, while he himself led the third (a little over 200 men) in a direct charge. Every one of them was killed in battle. Reno and Benteen were themselves kept on the defensive, and not until Terry's arrival was the extent of the tragedy known.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 27% on Unorthodox

You scored higher than 7% on Tactics

You scored higher than 72% on Guts

You scored higher than 92% on Ruthlessness

Link: The Which Historic General Are You Test written by dasnyds on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

A sexy vampire
You lure your kills with your looks and sensuality.You watch the people follow you like you are a
goddess and in your eyes and theirs you are you
help these people and become there friends and
lovers then when they are most secure with you,
you tell them what you are! When they make any
other response other then to be utterly amazed
or if they dont beg you to change them into a
creature of the un-dead, you kill them for
doubting your greatness!! You have to have an
audience and need to have people and vampires
that admire you or even better if they are
frightened of you!! You live off other people
in more way then one you need a group followers
if you didnt have this you wouldnt have
anything.

What sort of vampire would you be and what is your story?(great pics)

brought to you by Your eyes are the windows to your soul. What type of eyes do you have?
brought to you by Quizilla

innocent kiss - you're cute and sweet and like it
that way

What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by

2005-10-30T20:09:00.000+08:00

i now officially owe my mum 2000 bucks. which won't be much of a problem to return.. unbelievable.. i'm starting to play my Gameboy back.. broughtback lotsa memories man.. bought that when i was pri 5.. 7 years have pass and it's still working.. hahahaha..

People i've been talking to
i've been chatting with Ridtz often.. he reminds me alot of myself in my younger days.. maybe cuz our birthdays are a week apart.. hahaha..

also have been talking to Shah. my course senior.. soughting his help to get myself a ship.. i'll be sailing asap. Raya or no Raya. Deepavali or no Deepavali. i'm leaving~!

been talking to Douglas regarding everything.. and i mean everything.. will always be talking to him..

talked to Louis a day back.. glad to know that he's still single.. hahaha.. and also that he's been reading my blog..

i've been arguing with my dad.. argument is a form of communication aka talking.. hahaha.. he's not very happy about me going sailing.. *shish*

Me, my magic and my strength

i'm happy that there is progress in business..
i'm happy that i'll be sailing soon..
i'm happy that i've got caring friends around..

i'm sad to leave my friends..
i'm sad cuz i feel like disowning my family..
i'm sad that i won't have a phone soon.. a number with no phone..

i haven't been sending anyone..
i'd like to send someone..
i'd like to see that person/people suffer..

i haven't been whacking anyone up..
my hands are starting to itch..
unless i find someone to whack up, i will have to make do with whacking the lamp post.

People i wanna meet in the near future

Louis For dinner i guess
Ridtz For a drink?
Acong (my chief) For Kebal Meliputi
Shah Correspondent Course/Drinks
Douglas X country night cycling (haunted places edition)
Fred Francis Admittence into NSSPL?

Wat i'll be singing to Douglas before i sail

Goodbye to you, my trusted friend
We've known each other since we were nine or ten
Together we've climbed hills and trees
Learned of love and A B C's
Skinned our hearts and skinned our knees

Goodbye my friend it's hard to die
When all the birds are singing in the sky
Now that the spring is in the air
Pretty girls are everywhere
Think of me and I'll be there

We had joy we had fun
We had seasons in the sun
But the hills that we climbed
Were just seasons out of time

2005-10-23T14:54:00.000+08:00

FACT:You embody the German principle of Konstantzusammenschaft, which is best described in English (without using the obscure English word "sammenschaft") as "eternal togethermanship".

The Loverboy
Random Gentle Love Master (RGLMm)

Well-liked. Well-established. You are The Loverboy. Loverboys thrive in committed, steady relationships--as opposed to, say, Playboys, who want sex without too much attachment.

You've had many relationships and nearly all of them have been successful. You're a nice guy, you know the ropes, and even if you can be a little hasty with decisions, most girls think of you as a total catch. Your hastiness comes off as spontaneity most of the time anyhow, making you especially popular in your circle of friends, too.

You know not to make the typical Loverboy mistake of choosing someone who appreciates your good humor and popularity, but who offers nothing in return. You belong with someone outgoing, independent, and creative. Otherwise, you'll get bored. And then instead of surprising him with flowers or a practical joke, you'll surprise him by leaving.

ALWAYS AVOID: The Billy Goat

CONSIDER: The Boy Next Door, The Loverboy

Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.
My profile name: riomhach

2005-10-22T05:03:00.000+08:00

i'm such sad person now.. no money.. no nothing.. just me and my magic.. i reallie dunno wat to think.. dunno wat to type.. just cheated off 15k.. i swear to God, i'll do anything in my power and make the bitch suffer.. well anyway, i've got a lil song that i wanna share.. the meaning's just too deep.. a song by a real talented man.. someone i really adore.. wanna guess? yeah.. that's rite.. Don McLean.. and his all time favourite song.. American Pie..

A long, long time ago,
I can still remember
How that music used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance,
That I could make those people dance
And maybe they'd be happy for a while

But February made me shiver,
With every paper I'd deliver
Bad news on the doorstep,
I couldn't take one more step
I can't remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bride
But something touched me deep inside
The day the music died

*Chorus*

So bye, bye Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry
And them good old boys were drinking whiskey in Rye
Singing this will be the day that I die,
This will be the day that I die

Did you write the book of love
And do you have faith in God above,
If the Bible tells you so?
Now, do you believe in rock and roll
Can music save your mortal soul
And can you teach me how to dance real slow?

Well, I know that you're in love with him
'Cause I saw you dancing in the gym
You both kicked off your shoes,
Man, I dig those rhythm and blues!

I was a lonely teenage broncin' buck
With a pink carnation and a pickup truck
But I knew that I was out of luck
The day the music died
I started singing

*Chorus*

Now for ten years we've been on our own,
And moss grows fat on a Rolling Stone
But that's not how it used to be
When The Jester sang for The King and Queen
In a coat he borrowed from James Dean
In a voice that came from you and me

And while The King was looking down,
The Jester stole his thorny crown
The courtroom was adjourned,
No verdict was returned
And while Lenin read a book on Marx,
The quartet practiced in the park
And we sang dirges in the dark
The day the music died
We were singing

*Chorus*

Helter Skelter in a summer swelter
The Byrds flew off with a fall out shelter
Eight miles high and falling fast
It landed foul on the grass
The players tried for a forward pass
With The Jester on the sidelines in a cast

Now, the halftime air was sweet perfume
While The Sargeants played a marching tune
We all got up to dance,
Oh, but we never got the chance
'Cause the players tried to take the field
The marching band refused to yield!
Do you recall what was revealed
The day the music died?
We started singing

*Chorus*

Oh, and there we were all in one place
A generation lost in space
With no time left to start again
So come on Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick
Jack Flash sat on a candle stick
Because fire is the devil's only friend

Oh, and as I watched him on the stage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage
No angel born in Hell
Could break that Satan's spell
And as the flames climbed high into the night
To light the sacrificial rite
I saw Satan laughing with delight
The day the music died
He was singing

*Chorus*
I met a girl who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news...
But she just smiled and turned away
I went down to the sacred store
Where I'd heard the music years before
But the man there said the music wouldn't play

And in the streets the children screamed
The lovers cried and the poets dreamed
But not a word was spoken
The church bells all were broken
And the three men I admire most
The Father, Son and the Holy Ghost
They caught the last train for the coast
The day the music died
And they were singing

Bye, bye Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry
And them good old boys were drinking whiskey in Rye
Singin' this will be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die

They were singin'
Bye, bye Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry
And them good old boys were drinking whiskey in Rye
Singing this will be the day that I die...

very flowing song and music.. yet very deep in meaning.. *sigh*
at 0509hrs, the person i long to be most with will hafta be Louis. that's rite.. so Louis, if u're reading this, pls, hope u'd understand.. it's not easy being me and i definately know for sure that it's not easy being u too.. especially with the tons of assignments u have.. but yeah, gimme a chance alrite..

2005-10-18T11:52:00.000+08:00

i know i've been rather idle when it comes to blogging. if i were to actuallie plot a curve in context to the activity on this webbie, it'll show us a diminishing curve. hahaha. well anyway, now i'm back. so be thankful about it.

updates of Sept and Oct 05.

my phone's dead. it's gone. it's totally spoilt. there is only one who can bring life to it. the "Almighty" Nokia Service Centre. had to put that it inverted commas. it'll be blasphemous if not. currently using Doug's Mum's phone. paiseh sia.

bought myself a Deuter Airstripes Pouch. very slick and cool. i think it's the most handy thing i've got now man. can be said that i never eave home without it. LITERALLY~!

also bought myself an air purifier. neon blue. how electrifying rite? cost me peanuts. and that's cuz i never but the fragrance oil. hahaha.. refused to buy it. cuz i don't need it to freshen my room. i just need it to suck in the dust suspended in the air..

also bought myself a parrot. very cute and colourful. little did i know that taking care of a parrot is gonna be such a chore. already regretting it. but since my bro's willing to take over the helm, then so shall it be~!

finally~! i've bought myself the very vintage and very prestigious Ivory Bagpipe. current estimated value is about US$5000. how bout that. soon it's gonna be a family heirloom. if i've got decendents that is~!

things that i've learnt/gonna learn since the last posting.

i've learnt to become bad. almost everyday i use pejal. to those who are involved, i'm very sorry that u hafta bear with the pain. (mainly colin lai and tan sia hui, andre tan) no one told them to be rude to me wat. it's my nature to fight back when offended.

i've learnt how to call jembalang tanah. called one in my house and now it doesn't wanna leave. permanent liao. stupid mistake.. hahahaha..

by this weekend, i'm gonna learn how to shift rain (as in send away or call upon).
also, i'm gonna learn how to invoke the legendary pontianak. after which, i can show off to my SJI friends. since they wanna see pontianak and they are willing to travel to Gymkhana Ave to see it, why not invoke it where ever my friends may be~!

updates on my involvement in ANY sch.

i've given up my post as Exco Member in Northland Primary School.

i've decided to fade into the past as an active alumni member of SJI Military Band due to politics raised by tsh and colin lai. i'll wait till they're gone/dead/resign which is not far into the future.

decided to not to teach in Singapore Poly anymore. i've finally realised that i'm swallowing more than i could chew. i think i've build up enough credibility to last me till i'm 22.

was involved with SNI/NI Command Conference. (SNI/NI - Singapore Nautical Institute/Nautical Institute) played the pipes for the leading in of the guest of honour as openning to the conference.

my professional life and financial status.

i just found out that to open a Swiss Bank A/c u must at least have US$10 million.
with that, i've already set a goal for myself. i will have 500k by 20. how i'm gonna do that, is none of anyone's concern. just mine~!

as of next tuesday, i'll be 15k richer. which is a big step to becoming half a millionaire by 20. yet it is still a humble stepping stone.

i've decided to change my career path a lil bit. i no longer wanna be a ship captain. instead, i wanna be a maritime lawyer like Godpa~! nonetheless, i still wanna work up till ship captain by 30 to live my initial dreams.

watever it is, i'll be sailing by December. early huh. sad it is too.

next update will be sometime at the end of October or perhaps mid of November, before i sail. unless i've got something great to tell or i'm just in the mood. hahaha.

signing off from home,
Hashnul De Souza.

today's my bro's birthday btw.. those out there reading this, pls pray for his 12th year of life and more years to come.

2005-09-06T23:38:00.000+08:00

aint gonna be treated like shit no more.. it's bout time i snap back to reality.. the cruel world.. the hell hole.. many a time, i put in so much effort to actuallie upkeep something.. yet the people around me spit back the bitterness of life into my face.. now, is that fair? i guess not.. lemme give u examples of how cruel life can be..

SJI: i try my best to be a bandsman.. long after my retirement, i'm still back helping out with the band.. how am i rewarded and commended? simple.. just blame all the band's losses on him.. "he stun this instrument, he stun that instrument.."

Northland: i skip my daily sleep for four days to prepare for the Teacher's Day whatsoever and Learning Fiesta.. wat do i get in return? first thing friday morning, i get screwed left by Vijay Anand and screwed right by Dassana Jayalath..

fair? i think not.. for goodness sake, i'm an alumni.. it's not my damn duty to actually do this kinda rubbish.. if i don't spend time with NPS, i won't die.. it's not as if i'll build up on my credibility if i help NPS.. my days in NPS is ultimately over.. hence forth, i've decided to resign from my post as an alumni Exco member..

i'd agree that sending out sms saying "thanks and well done" is a good method of giving moral support.. but i think coming down to actually see us in action is a better choice of action.. well, it seems that even that is difficult.. busy? God-knows..

My private life: business isn't exactly moving until i joined the team as their sole researcher.. my job is R&D.. R&D department isn't exactly the party who actually run around looking for the ingredients.. so why the hell do i hafta go all the way to Chinatown and sought out the stuff when i don't even have my own transport..

3 people.. 1 R&D, 1 contacts person and 1 God-knows-wat..
R&D played an important role in coming out with the solution and product.. he play his part pretty well..
Contacts person does the important business dealings and has a transport which he reallie utilise..
then wat the hell is the last one doing? hmmmm.. provides the meeting venue and warehouse..
i don't think that's good enough.. and i definately don't think bossing the R&D person around is the ideal thing to do.. afterall w/o me, the other 2 is as good as stagnant..

2005-09-02T03:19:00.000+08:00

Without pressure, olives gives no oil..

Without pressure, grapes won't turn wine..

hmmm.. very profound.. i often fall back on such words to maintain my calm self.. trying my best to stay relax without any methods of sedation.. no drugs, no caffeine, no alcohol and no tobacco.. but lately, things have been rather tough on me.. well, that's life i guess..

Stress has never been in my vocab.. NEVER.. not in Northland Primary, never in SJI, and definately not in Singapore Maritime Academy.. however, Northland, my past haunts me with lotsa stressful commitments which i was reallie true to..

Alumni Manager for Learning Fiesta..

Bagpiper for Teacher's Day Concert..

Organizer for Applied Science 101..

Alumni Organizer for Charity Bazaar..

All this are happening between 31st Aug till 2nd Sept..

on the 30th, i didn't sleep the whole nite.. same for 31st and 1st of Sept.. i've been losing so much weight.. in fact from 1st Aug up till now, i lost a total of 5kg..

on the 3rd of Sept, there's performance for the Salvation Army in conjuction with Yellow Ribbon Project.. according to the person i liason with, they're expecting about 10'000 guest.. have been trying so fucking hard to rally pipers.. still to no avail..

i've been expecting a cheque of US$3200 from Mexico.. according to the sender, it's reaching this week.. *sigh*

got so much crap to pay for..

Patrick's ivory pipe - 900

Melvin Loh's electric guitar - 900

my own Fender Strat - coming from Spain

my own Fender Acoustic - from Spain too..

Douglas - 500

thisis my sad story man.. i don't think u've seen any sad story on the blog so far rite.. well, i guess there's a first for everything.. *sigh*

just hoping for people who knows and read my blog to pray for me.. don't know if i can keep my sanity..

as for good news, my guitaring is back.. hahaha.. after so long neglecting my guitaring.. learnt quite a few new songs.. and my damn fingers hurt like hell.. it's fucking hell swollen la.. if anyone knows how to sooth it, PLS tell me.. till the twelve of never, i'll be back to write more of my life's "magic" moments.. wahahah..

2005-08-29T04:30:00.000+08:00

hahaha~!!! vain me.. and these are the M18 pictures~!! those below 18, pls keep out~!!! wahahaha.. *shish* i'm going nuts..

2005-08-29T04:20:00.000+08:00

this is my blog.. hence, this webbie features me~! and i feel kinda vain right now.. wahahah~!!!

2005-08-18T01:04:00.000+08:00

i've got one hell of a big problem now.. i'm so super stressed out by so many things that are happening simultaneously.. correction: i don't have one hell of a big problem; i have so many big problems..

first and foremost, as the only bagpipe instructor in Singapore Poly, it is essential that SP find a replacement for me when i go to sea to complete my education.. however, i'm leaving in March 2006.. so wtf SP get a replacement now.. to make things worse, this 26th Aug performance, will be a joint performance between SP and Singapore Pipe Band.. this wasn't discussed with me at all..

if they want me to leave, so shall it be.. but i won't be leaving along.. the members are also leaving.. and i make sure i'll get rid of that Hope Lee before i leave.. it's either she loses her job, or she loses her life.. this is my promise..

secondly, as an Member of NPS Alumni Committee, my major responsibility is to organise Learning Fiesta.. wat are to be done by who and wat's up during the whole event that lasts for 3 days.. that's kinda stressful.. but i guess it'll work up considering the stuff that i've already planned.. i'm also involved in the items on sale for Teacher's Day.. that's already planned but then, the items are not bought yet..

there was once the committee was talking about giving teacher in NPS a gift.. so i was saying why not give them a cross stitch of a poem.. i'll write the poem.. then alumnis can cross stitch, frame it up and present it to NPS.. everyone thought it was a good idea.. but no one agreed on anything.. TODAY, i got a call asking if the whole giant cross stitch is ready.. i was like WTF.. no one said anything about that and now someone suddenly ask me if i've completed the whole thing.. abit unfair rite.. u want that thing given to NPS teachers as a gift from alumnis and u want me to do the whole thing myself? like Good Lord, i didn't even volunteer to cross stitch it lor.. it's already good i gave u the idea and writing the poem.. u want me to do everything myself.. NO WAY~!!! but i guess tt's cleared out liao.. lucky Zhi Kang was online..

thirdly, thursday evening, i'll be going off.. to where? some offshore island.. doing some research.. in wat field u suppose.. hahaha.. doing some research in the marine field and the metaphysical.. wahahaha.. i'm gonna be in deep trouble with my superior if i don't make it man.. *SIGH*

fourthly, i'll be down again at SRJC this friday.. this time, is to talk to Suren and Lawrence.. if talking doesn't work, then my fist will fly.. i wanna talk to Suren and Lawrence regarding the problem.. gonna talk to Ruzaini and Omar too.. make sure they remember my face well.. cuz the next time they step on my tail, my face will be the last thing they see on the face of the earth..

fifthly, saturday there's NPS Alumni Committee meeting.. hafta present the poem to them.. and God bless me.. it's not even done.. i don't even have the mood and inspiration to do it now.. *SIGH* perhaps i shall do it tmr night.. or maybe tmr morning at my grandma's place..

tonight, i wanna spend my time with Louis.. so tt's it.. ahahaha..

2005-08-15T03:44:00.000+08:00

it's been more than a month since i last updated this lil bloggie of mine.. on the 14th of August at 12 noon, i've promised myself not to eat my meals until i update my blog.. well, thought i'l' do well.. but then at 2.46am in the morning of Aug 15th, i gave in.. wahahaha.. how dramatic can i start man.. btw, there's no way i'm gonna write in wat happened between 12th July till date.. hahaha..

From R to L: Me, Imei,Brenda, B'dae girl/Doreen, my mum and my kid bro..

well anyway, i was at doreen's b'dae just now.. damn chaotic man.. people chasing each other around with cakes.. hahaha.. didn't eat much.. 1 chicken wing, 4 pieces of crab stick, 2 cups of punch and a slice of cake.. and that was all i had for the whole of Aug 14th.. how pathetic rite.. it just felt good that everyone (except for my mum) was calling me Ah-Long (loan shark).. Ah-Long, lai play daidee.. Ah-Long, lai take photo.. Ah-Long this, Ah-Long that.. why the title?? cuz i was wearing my thick gold bracelet and partly becuz of my tattoo on my right arm.. everyone there was practically either an Ah-Beng or an Ah-Lian.. though there were wannabes lar..

was talking to Louis the whole day.. actuallie i wouldn't even consider it a conversation.. it's more like an exchange of sms.. kinda frustrated if i was him man.. lotsa stuff to do in so lil time.. if it was me, honestly, the teacher would be dead by now.. it's nothing new man.. i almost stab my teacher with a knife back in SJI because of the same thing.. too much to do in too lil time..

good news of the day, USD8000 is on it's way to my place right now.. all the way from Mexico.. hmmm.. but still, outta the US$8000, like onlie half is mine.. hah~! but cash is still, no matter wat, cold hard cash~! first, i'm gonna settle my bills.. then i'm gonna buy myself another bagpipe.. (lemme remind u peepz again that i've got BAGPIPE FETISH.. woohoo~!) then i'm gonna buy myself more gold chains as investment.. no forgetting my all time dream of getting a PSP and an MP3 player..

DEDUCTION LIST

Bills - 500
Bagpipe - 1000
PSP - 500
MP3 player - 400
Gold chains - 600
______________

Total - 3000
Balance - 2200

At least there's some kinda balance to keep my loan shark business going.. Yar.. So if anyone out there whom i know need cash, can come see me.. wahahahaha.. but definately got interest and if u try to run with my cash, i'll hunt u down like a dog.. on finding u, i'll call down my boys from Chinatown and make sure they do u up well enough so that u can no longer run.. chances are that u may never even walk again~!

i've fulfill my promise to update my blog.. now, i can eat in peace and like a man of honour~!!! woohoo~!!!

2005-07-12T23:51:00.000+08:00

Minmin and I.. she reallie made my day with that sweet smile man.. hahaha.. thanks for coming..

U ROX BIG TIME~!!

here's a pic of me and one of my best frens, Jeremiah..

U rox my world man..

Things to be done but not yet done..

emailing of Northland Primary regarding Learning Fiesta..
going back to Admiralty to face the ultimated challenge..
calling Roy.. OH GOD, PLEASE GIMME STRENGTH~!!

2005-07-12T21:48:00.000+08:00

haven't been blogging since Renaissance day man.. no time.. my sanity hangs by a thread.. lemme try recall everything that had happened..

8th July 2005, FRIDAY

i was there early on friday, the first day of Renaissance.. alumni members was suppose to report at 5pm.. but i reported at 12.30pm.. i promised the SJI Drum Section that i'm gonna help them polish all the cymbals with my power drill and polishing head.. we tried getting power from the bandroom.. but the damn wire wasn't long enuff.. gotta work fast and smart.. so i went to the water cooler, remove the plug and plug in my power drill.. everything was going smooth.. till Colin Lai came and made noise regarding the polishing and buffing of the cymbals.. he insisted that he doesn't want his own cymbals polished.. fuck him.. who's gonna polish it for him anyway.. i don't owe him any favour..

the rest of the day was spent running around.. doing God-knows-wat.. sitting in the PAC watching the main band practise.. organising the sec 1s.. i WAS the Alumni Recruiting Officer along with Jeremiah.. my pigeon mate since 2000.. hahaha..

had showers with Melvin Loh, Binghong, Jamin and Saravanan at the staff toilet at around 6pm.. so unfortunate that Heng Guek Boon had to come in while i was shaving.. ask me all sorta stupid question.. (-_-")

concert went quite well.. except for the fact that i almost blew up at Colin Lai.. i was dan angry man.. i was suppose to take charge of the sec 1s.. straight after Concerto D'amore, i was suppose to bring them down and make them line up backstage.. Colin insisted that he take charge of the recruits.. guess wat.. when the time came for him to bring them down.. he disappeared.. i tell u.. IF ANYTHING WERE TO SCREW UP, I'LL BE AT FAULT LOR~!!!!!!

other than that, everything went quite as planned.. during intermission, i was warming up outside the bandroom.. that when i saw Minmin.. she was practically screaming while chasing me.. she wished me luck.. gave me a Toblerone Bar.. and a VERY VERY SWEET HUG.. *sigh*
it soon dawn to me that i forgot to take a picture with her~!! went into the PAC, called her up, took a picture, and rushed off for tuning.. close one man.. then it was my turn to jam man.. time to spice up the audiences' life with Satchmo and 7th Night of July..

everyone thought the Alumni Band's performance was good.. better than the main band infact.. (sorry guys.. we're better i guess..)
Lester didn't think so.. he thought we were terrible.. he said friday nite was "public rehearsal".. hahaha.. i'd agree.. we were way crappy.. i was practically sight-reading Satchmo.. MUAHAHAHA..

after dismissal, i was practically waiting for people outside sch with Vignesh.. waiting for the others if they wanted to go for supper or perhaps going the same way as i am.. i was about to cross opposite and head home like the rest when i met my Weiyang, Ibrahim and my dearest god -bro, Kelvin Koh.. decided to go with them.. to Bukit Merah.. perhaps we can go for supper before that.. had supper at Redhill.. had beehoon, carrot cake and laksa.. all shared.. hahaha..
after that we took the last 132 to Bt. Merah.. so unfortunate.. there's no more feeder service to my place.. AH DAMN~!!! had to walk home la.. thank God, Ghaz called to accompany me.. reached home at 1.30am.. looked thru the day's pics and had a good rest..

9th July 2005, Saturday

7AM
went to the kitchen for a drink.. then back to sleep..

12PM
picked up Kelvin Koh's call.. said i'll call him back later if i decide to meet him to go to SJI..

2PM
officially wake up and took a cold shower..

after shower, i had rice and fried fish for lunch.. not much of a lunch.. but good enough for me.. also had a wee bit of durian.. *urrgghh*

wore super skimpy shorts that couldn't be seen if i were to tuck out my shirt.. on the way to SJI, Geraldson called me and told me to buy a bottle of wine for Lester.. told him i was on the way to SJI liao.. nvm.. i'll make another trip outta sch later..

reached sch, chatted with Dayalan and Muthu for a wee bit.. when i went to the bandroom, everyone went like "wah sir.. so sexy sia.." well, i reallie regardeded that as an ego boost man.. hahaha.. i put my stuff aside, took a French Horn, practised my fingerings while Rohai and Zahid poke fun at the recruits.. the recruits reallie like it when seniors pamper them.. hahaha..

Vignesh came in.. we chatted a while.. he said he needed to go home to get change.. so i decided to tag along.. after all, i need to get Lester's wine.. i got my wallet.. Vignesh warmed up in his trumpet.. and we're gone.. took 156 to Bishan.. Vignesh drop me off at Junction 8.. and he went home to get change.. Oh man.. i was spoilt for choice man.. was contemplating whether to get Lester the sweet wine or the Casillero del Diablo.. well, took the more costly one.. and i'm off to Popular bookstore to get him the drawing block..

Got back to sch.. just in time for alumni practice.. phew~!!
Weiyang was making noise cuz he lost 4 bottles of wine.. hahaha.. why? cuz he hid it behind the dustbin.. how dumb can he get rite.. *sigh* there goes 4 bottles of vintage wine..

performance was better on saturday.. Br Michael was there.. *AGAIN* hahaha.. i was happily shouting Lester's name over and over again when he was conducting.. same thing happened when it was Tan's time to conduct.. i was shouting "Thiam Hee.. Thiam Hee.." hahaha.. silly me..

somewhere near the end of the concert, i was crying.. same goes for a few of my batch members.. namely Xueliang.. hahaha.. he said this Renaissance was like our 2nd graduation.. i know where he was coming from.. one by one, my batch members was called out to receive our tokens of appreciation.. the SJIMB brass parts.. the Year 1 alumni shouted "DE SOUZA" when i was called out.. those naughty buggers.. they sure know how to cheer people out.. hahaha.. the Band and Sch thank Mr Lim for 8 years of music.. utterly touching.. very heart warming to know that his efforts has made a difference to the band..

at about 10.30pm, the bandsmen assembled at the canteen for band toast.. a sign of camaraderie.. a vow of brotherhood.. caught the whole thing on video.. thanks to Shuyu..

after the whole thing, the bandsmen decided to watch F4 at lido.. no plans made.. several groups made their way to the cinema.. soon finding out that almost 30 bandsmen was sharing one cinema.. great minds think alike man.. hahaha..

i was wearing the F4 light up emblem when i went into the cinema.. biggest mistake.. i didn't switch it on.. hahaha.. after the movie i switched it on and showed off to the guys.. hahaha.. everybody was like "hey.. where u get that from..."
told them to ask the counter.. hahaha.. in actual fact, i got it from BK kid's meal.. woohoo~!!!

dunno why.. i think i've matured a wee bit.. i insisted on knowing where my juniors are going after the movie and how they are going there.. and to top things up, i told them to call or sms me when they reach home.. after all.. i am the last eldest to have been with them that night.. if anything were to happen, i will never be able to forgive myself..

Weiyang put up at my place for the night.. we were sharing Jazz music.. and pics of the band that i've taken from time to time.. kinda boring la that night.. he wasn't in the mood of drinking.. so was i.. hahahaha..

well anyway, alls well ends well.. thank u heavenly Father for guiding me thru these few days..

2005-07-08T00:47:00.000+08:00

today was like any other day.. woke up at 5pm.. rushed to SJI Alumni Band practice.. no big deal.. stomach was growling.. super hungry.. famished actuallie.. decided to get something to eat from the Esso outside SJI.. had 2 BBQ chicken pau.. band prac was as usual.. start late.. end late.. had lotsa fun as always..

one thing to note.. everyone commented on my outift.. some said it looked sexy.. some said it was slutty.. Lester said it was damn gay.. hahaha.. i thought it'd be cool to wear pink transluscent singlets once in a while.. i was wrong.. it WASN'T cool.. it was eye-catching.. that's all..

during band prac, there was one part that i was furious.. i was fuming mad.. i was kicking a big fuss.. punching railings, whacking walls and even kicking the water cooler.. now there's a big dent and damage in the water cooler.. hehehe.. u know, there was a point of time that i felt like withdrawing from playing for Renaissance.. *sigh*

lucky the drummers were around.. helping them polish the cymbals took my mind off things for a while.. errr.. and i'm still not satisfied with the cymbals.. i promised them in bringing my electric drill and the polishing/waxing nozzle tomorrow.. which means i hafta be in SJI by 12 noon.. no harm being early and help out with those guys.. they're like the best juniors i've got.. still young and innocent.. unlike John and Gareth.. they've got minds of their own now.. which means there's room for disagreement.. hahaha..

stupid idiots incharge of the booklet made a super big mistake in this year's booklet.. i specifically told the Top Seven that i wanted my name as in last year's booklet.. which is simply Shaun Patrick De Souza.. and u know wat i saw.. i saw a short and non-extravagant "Hashnul".. like wat the fuck is that man..and i was put at the bottom of the list of alumni trombonist.. on top of me were trombonist who aren't even playing the trombone for the concert..

reallie didn't expect idiots to dwell in the band.. can't even believe they made it to SJI..

well fuck all that.. i'm now at home.. having my cup of hot chocolate and Marks & Spencer Redcurrent Puffs.. was with Mum just now.. she was checking ZUJI for tickets to Brisbane.. i think she's planning a family trip to Aussie in August or something.. didn't bother asking la..i'd rather be surprise.. just like when MinMin goes "booya~!"

i think today will be one of those days where i sleep early.. and i reallie mean early.. before 2am infact.. hafta be at SJI early.. then i'll be slacking from 2pm till 5pm.. then i'm off to the BOYS SHOWER ROOM (damn.. the sound of that turns me ON..) after showers, alumni members will practise again.. wat happens after that is a mystery.. hahaha..

hope to take alot of pictures this year.. got very lil pics last year.. say abt 150 pics.. anywayz, reallie hope to take more pics with lil Zach.. my newest fren.. hahaha.. we started of as enemies u know.. hahaha..

i think i'm gonna have a smoke, finish my drink, eat more puffs and then have a glass of wine.. South African Shiraz actuallie.. then once i'm drunk, i'll go to bed.. =P

2005-07-05T10:58:00.000+08:00

damn bored.. haven't been blogging for quite a while.. got some good news and some bad ones.. let's start with the good news and later on the bad ok..

Good news

I've solved the whole mystery about wat the hell happen between me and her..
I'm hell prepared for Renaissance..
I'm no longer heartbroken, and i got over her.. (thanks to frens like Doug and Keval..)
I got new black leather shoes for a tenth of the price..
I've got less commitments.. (Pets and blah blah..)
Half my pipers can play the pipes~!!
Lots more new games in my phone..
I just found myself a bass drummer..
My pay from S'pore Poly is gonna come in soon..

Bad news

My own fren backstab me and fabricated the story abt me being a flirt and how i ALWAYS fool around with girls' feelings.. Hence, he will pay the price of stepping on the tiger's tail..
I haven't got people supporting me for Renaissance..
I've been smoking and drinking too much.. Cigars la.. Pipe la.. Vodka la.. *shish*
My bunny's dead.. It drowned in the toilet drainage system.. *fuck*
The other half of my pipers are fucking around with me.. Attendance is like shit..
I'm so sorry but a number of people will be getting intense diarrhoea and non-stop menstruation.. (MY WILL BE DONE~!!)

well that's news la.. these are not gossip news or Newpaper calibre news.. these are Reuter and Straits Times calibre news.. so believe it or not..

was at Changi Airport from 12am till 8am this morning.. sent 2 of my comrades off.. they're heading to Portland for 1 year of studies.. *sigh* less friends means not so much life.. hahaha.. wat kinda crap is that man.. just to let u peeps know, i'll be off next year around this time.. where i'll be posted to is still unknown.. but one things for sure.. i WILL miss everyone here..

today, i slept at 9am, after eating 2 egg prata.. and woke up at 4pm.. a fren who just called at Keppel Harbour sms-ed me.. we chatted a wee bit over the phone la.. after which he had to continue his cargo watch duty while i had to shower and get ready from SJI Alumni Band practice..

band prac was kinda fun today.. 10 mins into the practise, Lester told me and another tbonist to get out.. we were playing 7th Night of July as if we just picked up music.. hahaha.. warmed up and prac a lil bit for ten mins and we were well along the way.. came in, played with the rest of the band.. thought we'd be chase out again.. instead, Lester was satisfied.. hahahaha..

went straight to Cold Storage after band prac and got myself a whole black pepper chicken for $4.. kinda cheap isn't it.. bought a gallon (3.47 litres) of mango juice and i'm off home.. got home, ate the chicken and now i'm stuck infront of the computer.. haven't been checking my email for God-knows-how-long.. listening to a Disturbed album.. kinda dark and gothic man.. muahahaha..

2005-06-30T21:11:00.000+08:00

bought a wee bunny rabbit for my bro.. decided to make him happy for a once.. hahaha.. damn cute(the bunny.. not my kid bro..) we named it Ginger.. suits very well with it's orangey brown colour.. hahaha.. here's a pic of it with me..

2005-06-30T19:24:00.000+08:00

The Water is Wide

The water is wide, I cannot get oer
Neither have I wings to fly
Give me a boat that can carry two
And both shall row, my love and I

A ship there is and she sails the sea
She's loaded deep as deep can be
But not so deep as the love I'm in
I know not if I sink or swim

I leaned my back against an oak
Thinking it was a trusty tree
But first it bent and then it broke
So did my love prove false to me

I reached my finger into some soft bush
Thinking the fairest flower to find
I pricked my finger to the bone
And left the fairest flower behind

Oh love be handsome and love be kind
Gay as a jewel when first it is new
But love grows old and waxes cold
And fades away like the morning dew

Must I go bound while you go free
Must I love a man who doesn't love me
Must I be born with so little art
As to love a man who'll break my heart

When cockle shells turn silver bells
Then will my love come back to me
When roses bloom in winter's gloom
Then will my love return to me

today is a very memorable day.. she called and tell me to scut.. she doesn't want to hear from me anymore.. she apparently have someone else in mind.. less then a minute later, she called back asking if i was sad.. wat the heck was that suppose to mean man.. well, i said, "hell no, why should i be sad.." i was lying man.. at that monent, i was heartbroken.. i was upset.. but pride and ego wouldn't give way.. hahaha.. i think i will survive this ordeal man.. after all, a friend told me that there's alot of fish in the sea.. hahaha.. i just have a feeling that this particular fish and it's mate will end up on the skewer.. muahahaha..

i hope the enigma tags again tonight.. dunno why.. but i feel good entertaining him/her.. kinda challenges me mentally.. like some kinda puzzle.. hahaha.. to Passerby: i hope u're happy that she no longer wanna have anything to do with me.. hope u're satisfied and glad that someone as lousy as me has been defeated emotionally by a girl i long so much for..

Doug just called me btw.. he needs help with some loser in school.. gonna go down to SRJC some time soon to "talk" to this tyrant.. perhaps can whip his arse or something.. Doug just can't tahan that bugger la.. make so much noise, bossing people around, picking fight and blah blah blah.. hahaha..

i think i wanna go back to my Admiralty house tonight.. seek solace in being a hermit for a few days.. i'll go to SP to teach tomorrow from there la.. which means i hafta bring my piping stuff here tonight..

2005-06-29T21:54:00.000+08:00

went to sleep rather early last nite.. i slept around 11.40pm i guess.. after finding out that she has a boyfriend, i off my com straight away and went to bed.. i just needed to sleep on it la.. woke up feeling fresh this morning at 7am for toilet break.. since i still feel like shit inside, i decided to go back to sleep.. woke up again at 1.09pm.. Doug called asking if we're still meeting for movies today.. so yar.. here i am at his house..

something is not right here.. i've got people, (in actual fact, 1 person) telling me that she's attached.. but when i asked her if she is, she said she's not.. kinda mind boggling if u ask me.. so who's right and who's wrong.. i guess i'll hafta stick to my intuition.. hahaha..

then i've also got some enigma spamming my damn tag-board.. well, he/she thinks he/she is great.. lil does he/she know abt me.. getting to know me thru blog and in person is two very different things.. very lil is said abt my lifestyle, my connections or my skill on blog.. things like my achievements in a battle arena, about my gore and glory is not written here at all.. nevermind la.. i'll let it be.. let's just hope he/she will take up my challenge and settle this in person.. but then again, i'm still thinking if he/she is worthy of my time.. i'll give him or her 2 weeks to apologize, after which, i think i'm going full force into making him/her feel pain.. let's hope he/she can find a formidable bomoh in time..

watched War of the Worlds just now.. kinda stupid.. it's more like War of One World.. hahaha.. too much suspense.. but then again, too little action.. too few human retaliation scenes.. don't even know why i bothered to watch it on the first day of it's openning.. *shish*

2005-06-28T15:02:00.000+08:00

HAH~! i super duper ROX man.. well, that's wat the teachers of Northland Primary said.. hahaha.. had performance today.. AGAIN.. yes, thanks, i know i'm popular.. well, today's performance was rather interesting.. played Highland Cathedral for the welcoming of the guest-of-honour, who happen to be the Malaysian Education Minister.. we introduced by the pricipal, Mdm Moliah.. though she told him my name, he insist on referring to me as the Scotsman.. haha.. how quaint..! then Mdm asked me if i'm busy, which i was not.. so she said if i could do her the favour of playing again during reception.. and once more for farewell.. so i said, why not.. after all, i've got like 60 over tunes in my head.. might as well use them rather then forget how to play them altogether..

i'm so damn tired now.. slept at 4.30am, woke up at 6.30am then sleep again at 7am till 8am.. in total, i slept only 3 hours.. and to think i'll be up till late night because of SJI Alumni Band prac.. it's been like 2 weeks since i went for prac man.. i think Lester's gonna be furious.. he might not even allow me to play for Renaissance.. SIGH..

well, it's the fifth day survived without saying a word to her.. i hope she's doing fine.. hope she still remembers me.. i'm reallie wondering wat she's up to these few days.. i'm wondering if she met other people.. lemme digress.. wondering if she met other single male people.. of our age.. who she can fall for.. whose better than me.. in so many ways.. hahaha..
DIE.. i'm becoming WAY paranoid.. aiyah.. if it comes it comes la.. worse come to worse, the new guy kena send la.. MUAHAHAHAHA.. wat's the exotic title for if not utilised.. hur hur.
well, i'm definately in a state of uncertainty, sadness, pain, suffering.. here's a poem, an outcome of that depression and uncertainty :

Time
My days are numbered, like leaves on a tree.
The tide is coming, up to my knee.
The thought of losing you makes me blue.
Cuz no lifetime is enough to spend with you.

As days go by, and the leaves on the tree fall,
The Sun returns home to his mighty hall.
I know I`m losing you in no time at all,
Cuz you don`t write to me and neither do you call.

Now the tree is bare, and winter is here,
It is evident and it is clear.
You are gone without a single trace,
It hurts me when reminiscing your face.

The tree is dying, so am I,
To think you`d keep my hopes up high.
My soul is wandering, no purpose in life,
Awaiting Death and his gory scythe.

2005-06-27T02:43:00.000+08:00

well here's a pic of me, living the life of the rich and famous - IN A KILT.. that's a Cuban Havana cigar in my hand.. in the other a Martell VSOP.. luxury and class.. my other 2 good friends..

went clubbing today.. IN A KILT~!! went to Indochine Opiume straight after performance at SP.. had Frangelico.. then we (Roy and I) bought Cuban Havana cigar each.. something funny happened man.. the waiter who brought us our cigar was new and he didn't know which end of the cigar to snip.. he snipped the wrong side.. we both didn't notice.. we were literally puffing on the un-snipped end expecting smoke to be inhaled.. what bullshit~! i had Martell VSOP for seconds.. thought i'd be drunk after that.. well, didn't know my threshold level so high.. hahaha.. pro man.. after Indochine, off to Onyx.. had a Scotch Whisky.. after which, i had a Flamming Lamborghini.. many usually get dead drunk after having one of those.. after an hour of taking that, i'm still standing.. blogging rite now even~!

have u had that feeling of crying cuz u don't get to do something u want so much? well, i just had that feeling.. feel like crap now.. just got back from Onyx Club.. i wanted to dance bear bodied on the platform with that cute guy so badly.. but Roy wouldn't let me.. i reallie reallie wanted to dance.. as if it's my death wish or something.. since i didn't get to dance, i decided to ignore Roy and go home straight.. taxi home from town cost me 20 bucks man..

performance was great today.. i played Mull of Kintyre and Scotland the Brave.. my pipers became singers instead.. kinda proud of Kenry and Keval.. they've got the guts to try.. even though they know they're not that good.. but in my books, they were close to perfect~! before the performance, was talking to the director of SAA.. he was telling me to spend money on uniform.. and drums~! hahaha.. like hell cool man.. got summore money to spend on my pipeband~!

i'm damn bored rite now.. just got a call from Conceptz Pte Ltd.. they want me to do up my profile and email it to them by tomorrow.. they wanna hire me long-term as their bagpiper and play as and when they need me.. my stars are getting brighter.. heehee.. or perhaps i've been professional all this while.. muahahaha~!

well anyway, this is the fourth night i have survived not contacting her.. i'm trying my best to stay alive without her.. not hearing any news from her makes me worried at times.. but i'm sure there are others who will take care of her within this few days.. or perhaps weeks.. i haven't lost any interest in her.. in fact, i've grown matured and miss her.. i used to be rather obsessive u know.. hahaha.. here's another poem written by me dedicated to her:

Like
Like the sunrise, I look forward to you everyday.
Like the gentle breeze, ever present, omni present, I too know that you are there.
Like fire, you keep me warm through the harsh winter nights.
Like the mighty mountain, I prythee you shield me from harm.
Like the stars up in the heavens, I have faith that u will light up my life during my darkest hours.
Like the sea and ocean, your love is vast, never ending. It is a source of food for me,

the fisherman, a source of inspiration for me, the artist.
Like the forceful hurricane, you blew me away with ecstasy.
And like a grapnel, you not only hooked me. You also took my heart with you.

2005-06-26T02:46:00.000+08:00

just got this pic from one of my pipers.. CCA week 2005.. take note of the Padawan hair braid..

2005-06-26T02:29:00.000+08:00

just got back from town.. had a nice walk with Doug just now from sommerset to bugis.. muahahaha.. the British and Irish Lions lost.. better luck next time yar.. anywayz, Doug and I was talking about girls.. comparing our past female friends and stuff while having some cake and coffee at Coffee Bean.. was freezing my guts out cuz the aircon was super strong and the drink was cold.. before that we went to the gaming centre.. first time i had my hands on Battlefield Vietnam.. kinda sadistic.. but it sure releases stress killing people.. heehee..

kinda stress now.. (yeah rite.. me getting stressed out abt things? since when man..) i've got a performance tomorrow.. playing for some bigshot from Hongkong.. if i'm not mistaken, it's the Minister of Foreign Affairs.. apparently, he's seeking some sorta cultural performance not found in HK.. and guess what.. BAGPIPES are the best SP can think off.. there are superb Gurkha pipers in HK.. why then come all the way to S'pore.. maybe it's just me and the way i do things.. wahahaha.. AGAIN, the EGO talking.. gonna play Mull Of Kintyre tomorrow, while my SP pipers sing along.. kinda cool huh.. i think it's the first time i do this sorta crap shit.. well, since dinner and pay is provided, anything goes.. hahaha..

it's been three days since i last messaged her.. i don't know how much longer i can hold on.. i wanna ask her out for dinner.. i wanna tell her so much about wat's happening in my life now.. i wanna know wat's going on in her's.. but i can't.. for once, i hafta abstain from such stuff.. i need to mature and stop being paranoid.. maybe cuz i love her so dearly.. and i want her so nearly.. by the way, i wrote another 2 poems dedicated to her.. here it is:

The Seed
On the day we met, I planted a seed,
Till now it has grown, faster than weed.
What I meant that has grown was the seed from above,
That very seed is none other than love.

Your Name
I dug your name in the sand, but the tide washed it off at dawn.
I swished your name in the clouds, but the wind blew it all gone.
I carved your name in stone, but time eroded it forlorn.
Henceforth, I memorized your name in my heart.
There it remain and always will.

2005-06-25T04:21:00.000+08:00

Things U Wish U'd Known Sooner

Don't let ur life wait for other people.
Dropping ur handphone into a bathtub of water kinda kills the phone.
Ur mother will find out it u dye ur hair purple
Don't ever fall in love with someone who is more than a thousand miles away from u. It usually doesn't work.
If it hurts, DON'T DO IT AGAIN~!!
That which does not kill u will ultimately make u stronger.
Speaking in public gets easier with practice.
Ten years from now most of wat we freak out about won't make any diff.
Zits always pop up when u reallie can't afford for them to pop up.
Always stay after class cuz that's where connections are made.
When in doubt, duck. When certain, don't bother, cuz u're already screwed.
If u're not living (i mean reallie living), u're dead already.
Never pierce ur belly button in the dark.
Just because someone flirts with u doesn't necessarily mean he/she likes u.
Sometimes smart people can do reallie stupid things.
Being nice to people will get u far.
The one person u can truly love is often right infront of u.
Never, ever, EVER let a member of the opposite sex make u compromise ur standards. NEVER.
Nothing is ever too good to be true.
If u start to like a girl, her roommate will immediately start liking u.
Parents aren't around forever, and u need to treasure them while they are.
Never do something if the risk is greater than the reward.
Think carefully before u act.
Dreaming and Doing go hand in hand.
Life moves fast, but not so fast that u can't slow down to enjoy it.
Instead of waiting for life to get better, do something about it.
If ur intuition is telling u not to do something, then don't. Ur intuition isn't stupid~!
If he doesn't respect u, he's not worthy of ur time.
Learn to play an electric guitar: young women really dig it~!
Don't juggle knives unless ur damn good at it.
U can't light fireworks in the basement and not get caught.
Hair is flammable. Very flammable.
Never trust ur friend with a pair of scissors against ur hair.
White dogs and black pants don't mix.
God doesn't make junk~!
Someday u'll look back on all this and it will all seem funny.
U never know when u're making a memory.
The heart does heal and u will love like this again - except that when u do, u'll deny that u ever loved like this before.
If u can laugh at urself, u are going to be fine.
If u allow others to laugh with u, u'll be great~!
Kissing is the most fun thing. Dancing is almost as fun.

2005-06-25T01:13:00.000+08:00

uurrggghhh.. just got back from my another house in Admiralty.. ohh man.. i don't feel well.. i think i ate a lil bit too much.. it's the 2nd nite since i last sms her.. in one hand, i'm trying to hold on to my sanity.. in the other, my fingers are juggling work, performances and other commitments.. so many times i felt the urge to sms her to ask how she's doing.. but something in me tells me not to.. for the sake of pride, i hafta abstain.. wahahaha.. and it's not as if it's the period of Lent.. i think i'm gonna start writing poems again.. this time, not onlie will it be about romance, but pain of going through romance as well.. sigh..

my pipes are ready for sale.. thanks to my noble uncle who helped me refurbish it nicely for a small token of 50 bucks.. (u can never get such rates in the market u know..) going off to SJI tomorrow to pass the pipes to Br Jason.. after that i'm gonna head for Doug's place to witness the rugby match of the year.. New Zealand's ever famous All Blacks VS the formidable British Lions.. let's see who's gonna win.. will the brits go home as kittens of will the kiwis go home as chicks.. hehehe.. then later in the evening, we'll head down town to catch a game of Jedi Knights 2 or something..

teaching's getting kinda tough at SP.. attendence was like crap today.. my key piper, Daryl, wasn't here.. lil does he know that he's the new president of the club.. but I AM THE PIPEMAJOR still.. the numero uno.. the creme de creme.. the mewnthor.. and he's just the aide de camp.. Melvin still thinks his experience in so many woodwind instrument will help him in this field.. well, one thing to note.. it's not gonna help.. not in any way.. he needs to buck up despite having the potential.. no fish have ever gained anything going against the current.. no apprentice have ever benefit going against the mentor.. everytime i try to advise him, he takes it negatively and rebutt everything.. sigh..

hmmm.. i'm kinda happy with the fact that Ryan has decided to join the SP Bagpipers.. he will soon understand how essential his role is as the sole side drummer.. we, the pipers, will hafta follow his tempo and beat.. and having someone from SJIMB in my CCA, thrills me.. at least the rest can learn a thing or two regarding pride and discipline from him.. even i need to teach them drills, Ryan can assist me in one way or another.. hope that Hazari will take up my offer and join us as a bass drummer.. nothing tedious.. all they hafta do it just IMPROVISE~! isn't that what Lester Lim has been trying to teach us all this years..

2005-06-23T08:07:00.000+08:00

not reallie satisfied with this lil blog of mine.. find it rather pathetic.. doesn't have my identity written all over.. it's kinda morbid as a matter of fact.. nvm.. can't be bother abt it anyway..

had Northland Primary Alumni Exco meeting just now.. was definately smooth.. afterall, today was my show.. main agenda was on the stuff that i was incharge of.. given a month to work on it.. but did it only the day before the meeting.. yet i had lotsa great ideas.. talk abt attitude and aptitude.. i ROCK my world man..

after meeting i went out with one of the alumni.. we like hell click.. went to a nearby coffeeshop, ordered a pint of Tiger each and just live our lives man.. 2 teenagers, one 16, the other 18 were talking abt diff types of alcohol concoction.. magaritta, quick fuck, snowball.. we were even exchanging tips abt wine.. how quaint.. then we started abt pri sch days.. goodness.. all the crap starting coming out.. well, they say, childhood is something u spend the rest of ur life trying to get over.. hahaha.. i guess it's true man..

ghaz stayed over at my place.. was teaching him some bagpiping stuff.. it's freaking me out man.. everyone around me seem to get some kinda bagpipe virus.. one by one people are asking me to teach em the pipes.. anyway, i cooked up some rubbish of mine.. made some burritos.. had lettuce, alfalfa sprouts, tomatoes, stir fried marinated chicken topped with thousand island dressing.. all of this is a wholemeal tortilla wrap.. hmmm.. close to taco bell standard.. perhaps better..!

my uncle's working on my pipes rite now.. he's engraving some of his art work.. kinda cool if u look at it.. 3D carving on ur bagpipe wood.. a touch of class and sense of identity.. IT IS my desire to be different at all times..

i'm so damn tired now.. didn't sleep the whole damn nite.. was writing some poems for some special girl i wanna impress.. i'm my worst critic but i guess it's just too good to not give it a two thumbs up.. well, i don't think "impress" is the rite word.. perhaps "woo" or is it "court".. one things for sure.. i'm extra nice and gentle to her.. and that's not typically me.. muahaha.. here's two of the poem:

My Promise

I am no hero by name,

I have neither fortune nor fame.

For you, no diamonds, not even gold,

But my promise, at least my hand to hold.

To you, I dare not vow,

For I may not do tomorrow as I say now.

But one thing I can promise you,

For you, anything and everything I will do.

An Angel

I asked God for a minute, He gave me a day.

I asked God for a flower, He gave me a bouquet.

I asked God for true love and that He gave me too.

I asked God for an angel and he gave me YOU.

won't be contacting her for the next few days though.. think i wanna get some emotional rest.. and give the young lady a break.. she like sent me 35 sms over 4 days already.. i like saved all her sms ok.. i think i'm gonna surprise her by going for NYGH arts fest.. maybe then i can fullfil my promise and get her a nosegay.. oooh.. not forgetting to pass her the gift i got for her overseas.. yea man~!

i'm so damn stressed out.. rare of me to say such things.. but yar.. lotsa to do in so lil time.. but as always, i will make it thru without a scratch.. but with a halo of light and a crown of glory.. muahahaha.. performances back to back.. SIGH.. why did i get into the music industry in the first place.. rewarding.. yet taxing..